“This is awesome!” I exclaimed, stepping into the grand entrance.
“Wow!” Thomas cried, rushing inside.
I looked around at the green rug that lined the hall. Beautiful artwork lined the walls, and large windows spilled light into the room. There was a flight of stairs to the right.
“Yeah, so don’t break anything,” Dad muttered, coming in behind me.
“Shall I show you around?” Asked a voice from behind me.
I whirled around and came face to face with an old balding man. He was wearing a tuxedo that looked like something out of a history film.
“Yes please,” Mum said stepping inside.
The man made his way inside.
“I’m Richard,” he said. “Follow me.”
We obeyed and followed him down the long hallway.
“This house was built in 1863,” he told us. “It is the oldest mansion around this area.”
We entered another room. A large window covered one wall, and a table was in the middle of the room. There was a marble fireplace off to the left.
“This is the dining room,” Richard announced. “One of the most beautiful rooms in the house, might I add.”
We walked through the hallway and I looked around it in awe. It was HUGE! Bigger than our whole house! The next room that Richard (or Jeeves as I had decided to call him) led us into was the kitchen. It was very beautiful with oak cabinets and granite-topped benches. Much nicer than our lino covered kitchen back home.
“And this is the kitchen,” Jeeves announced. “Very nice and easy to cook in.”
“This’ll be a nice change,” Mum said happily.
Jeeves smiled at her, and continued on.
“This is the laundry,” Jeeves said, gesturing into a smaller room.
Mum took a quick glance inside. “Very nice.”
We continued walking.
“Next, we come to the office. This could easily become a study,” Jeeves explained.
“This is where I’ll be working,” Dad announced happily.
It was nicer looking than the room he used back at home, which was actually a large walk in wardrobe! Dad stood looking at the room for a while until Jeeves cleared his throat.
“Time to move on,” he said.
We walked out of the office and back into the hall.
“This is one bedroom, that one of your children may enjoy,” Jeeves said, gesturing into one room. “And this is another.”
Both rooms were practically identical. We walked a bit further and into the last room on the ground floor of the house.
“And this is the master bedroom,” Jeeves said, rather proudly.
This room was exquisite. The bed was four post and the biggest I had ever seen in my entire life. It had a white blanket and pillows, laced with silver. Three large cabinets and a huge bookshelf lined two of the walls. Windows hit the back of the bed, making the silver on the bed glisten. A fire place like the one in the dining room was to the right of the door.
“Now, we head up stairs,” Jeeves said.
The first four doors contained bedrooms that were identical to the two downstairs, except they all had big verandas. One though, had a bookshelf.
“This is my room!” I announced.
“Why?” Thomas asked, wrinkling up his nose. “They all the same, this one just has a bookshelf.”
“Exactly,” I said with a smile.
Thomas rolled his eyes and followed Mum, Dad and Jeeves down the upstairs hall.
“This is the study,” Jeeves said. “A little smaller than the one downstairs, but this one has a veranda.”
This was quite a nice room, with the biggest veranda that I had ever seen!
“Next to it is the sun room,” Jeeves announced. “Beautiful to sit in in spring.”
It was a big room with windows covering all but one wall. I’d like to spend my time in here reading. It’d also be a nice place to keep Sazza during winter.
“And the last place up here is the bathroom. This one doesn’t have a spa, but has a large bathtub.” Jeeves told us.
I took a quick peek inside. Very nice. Three times bigger than our largest bathroom at home, anyway.
“Alright, well that’s it for inside. We can go outside now,” Jeeves said over his shoulder, making his way quickly down the hall to the stairs. We followed him down them and out the back door. What I saw next amazed me. There were two tennis courts off to the back and to the right of them was a large swimming pool.
“Yes, that swimming pool is heated,” Jeeves told me with a wink.
“Over there is the guest quarters,” Jeeves said, gesturing his hand to the front of and off to the left of the tennis courts.
It would have to be a little larger than our house. Right in front of where we were standing was a large water fountain. I could see Koi fish swimming happily around in it.

Add more interesting/advanced words. Replace happily with joyfully, amazing with majestic, etc. Add some more descriptions, take out some dialog. Show, don’t tell. The sentences seem rather short and choppy, lengthen them, add some detail. Just don’t get too wordy.